this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
