Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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