I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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