I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
