Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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