Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So many bounce houses so little time
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
