Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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