ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
