his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
