I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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