I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
