we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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