I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
