hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
