Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
