the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I believe in your delicious
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
