I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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