i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
