I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
