Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
