Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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