So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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