i will never coherently bang her
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
