Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
