how can u be prego again
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
