i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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