My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
