Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
