Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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