I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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