im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
