Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
