Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
