They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
