It's Friday. Sex?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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