He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
