I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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