I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You smell like stripper and shame
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
