On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
