She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
