We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
