No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
