Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
