I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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