i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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