My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
