she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
