so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
