I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
