You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Randomize
