That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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